


You Can Only Be Strong For So Long

by Taloko



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Give our baby love, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, depressed, emotional distress, she needs comfort, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 08:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17845628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taloko/pseuds/Taloko
Summary: A person can only keep up a strong facade for so long before they break and Catra is no exception.





	You Can Only Be Strong For So Long

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This fanfiction contains self harm and Catra having a mental breakdown. If this is something that could potentially trigger you then please don't read. Other then that please enjoy and read the notes at the end.

It was mostly quiet in the barracks, aside from light snoring and the occasional rustle of sheets. Catra was standing silently above the bed her and Adora once shared, as tears lightly streamed out of her heterochromic eyes. She quickly wiped her face when the rustling got louder, indicating someone could be waking up.

Before she could get caught, Catra quickly left the barracks and headed to the locker room in the training area. It was an odd place to go but it was the first place to thought of and she knew for a fact no one would find her there. 

The room was dark and completely silent. She flicked the light on and scanned the room, confirming it was indeed empty. Her eyes landed on Adora's old locker. She hesitantly walked over and placed her hand on the locker door, gently running her fingers across the cold metal. 

"Why did I go back there?...Why did I come here?..." Catra muttered to herself.

Memories of the two of them messing around and having fun in this room plagued her mind. Normally she would smile, maybe even laugh a little. Instead of laughter or smiling, her mouth pulled down in a shaky frown. Her chest felt heavy and her legs began to shake. Tears were filling her eyes again. She managed to pull herself over to one of the walls and slide down so she was sitting on the floor and her back was rested against the wall. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself but it wasn't working.

"What the hell why is this starting again?!" She pulled her knees to her chest, trying to calm her anxiety. "Adora...help..." She whimpered. 

'She's not coming back.' The voice in her head whispered.

"Please stop..." Catra croaked, trying to make the voice disappear. 

'You've been forgotten.' The voice echoed.

"N-no I-"

'You never mattered to her in the first place. Her leaving was an easy decision. In fact you don't matter at all, look at how pathetic and weak you are, crying on the floor like a child. It's no wonder why you're unloved.' The voice laughed.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" She shouted.

She began sobbing and hiccuping. She coughed and gasped for air. Her chest felt tight, like something was constricting around it, tightening even more every time she tried to breathe. She looked up and it almost seemed as if the room was starting to close in on her. Her hand trembled as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a sharp silver razor blade. This was the only thing she could think of that would calm her now. She pulled her leggings down, almost to her knees and laid her legs flat on the cold floor. Fresh cuts and scars covered her upper thighs and tonight she would add more to the collection. 

She pressed the blade to her skin and pressed down, slowly dragging the sharp edge across her tender flesh, She winced at the stinging pain but she instantly felt calmer. Tiny red beads began to form at the line she just created.

A sigh of relief escaped her lips as she repeated the action over again and again. Once she finished, she looked over at her work. Her upper thighs were an angry red color. Some of her new cuts had streams of blood dripping on the floor while other spots were already starting to crust over. She smiled weakly and her arm that held her blade fell limply to her side. Her body had stopped shaking and her breathing had steadied. Euphoria rushed through her body but that was short lived.

Catra began to feel ashamed, guilty,...weak. Self harm was only something a weak person would do. Sitting down and balling her eyes out on the floor like a child, was only something a weak person would do. She wan't weak. She was strong and fearless. 

But she wasn't strong and she wasn't fearless. That was only her outside facade. The armor she put around herself so no one would see that her true self was actually very fragile. Her outside facade portrayed her as someone who was lazy, uncaring, and ruthless to her enemies.

How she felt on the inside was different. She was broken, scared, and would cling to anyone who could give her the love and support she has been longingly craving for. The love and care she needed.

If anyone saw her sat on the floor like this, she wouldn't hesitate to kill them.

Except for one person. 

Adora had always seen Catra's fragile side. She was the only one that has seen her fragile side. She never laughed or made fun. Instead, Adora would sit down and pull Catra close to her, whispering calming words. Gentle hands would pet her head and rub her back, and Adora's motherly smile would fill Catra with warmth and hope.

But Adora wasn't here anymore and Catra had no one to comfort her in her time of need. She was alone with her thoughts that would stop at nothing to completely tear her apart.

Catra began to lightly chuckle. Adora hadn't seen her like this though. She was a complete mess of blood sweat and tears right now. This was the weakest state Catra had ever been in.

"I wonder what you would say if you could see me now Adora..."

 Catra let out a sigh and stood to her feet. There was no point sitting on the floor forever. Catra decided it was time to clean up. Moping around and crying wouldn't bring Adora back. 

In the locker room there was a storage closest with cleaning supplies and a first aid kit. Catra got up and rummaged around until she found what she needed. She wiped as much of the blood of her thighs as she could before bandaging them up and yanking her leggings back up to her waist. She placed the razor carefully back in her pocket.

Next, she quickly wiped the floor off, spraying cleaner on the floor in hopes that it would mask the thick smell of iron that filled the room. Once she had finished she put everything back where it was before and walked over to the sink to splash cold water on her face, helping to get rid of the puffiness around her eyes and the red color that painted her face.

She dried her face off and looked up at the clock on the wall. It was already five thirty in the morning, which meant the others would be waking up soon or they were already up. She sighed and left the locker room. When she walked out her demeanor completely changed. She looked like her usual bored and uncaring self. No one would've suspected that less then ten minutes ago she was having a mental breakdown.

As she walked down the halls a loud voice distracted her from her thoughts. "Hey Catra you're up early!" A cheerful looking Scorpia walked in front of her with a glass of water in one of her clawed hands. 

"Just an early morning walk." Catra responded in her normal tone of voice.

"Well if you're not busy want to get an early breakfast with me?" The taller woman asked with a happy smile as she waled over to her friend. Catra was honestly baffled at how the other force captain always seemed exuberant and radiant at all times of the day. She was like a walking ball of optimism and sunshine. 

Deciding that now would be a good time to eat, she agreed. "Yeah sure." She smiled back.

With her facade back up and running again, Catra joined Scropia for breakfast, her fellow force captain already rambling about topics she found interesting as their day came to a start.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope all of you enjoyed reading this. Catra is a character that I feel bottles a lot of things up and I wouldn't be surprised if it eventually all got to her. It's not the best work I've ever written but I hope you all still enjoyed it. Please give me any constructive feedback you want and let me know if there are any grammar mistakes that need fixing. I hope you all have an stellar day/night and I send all my love to you cute critters~! Until next time! <3


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